Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
