Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
