so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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