Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
