I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
