You smell like stripper and shame
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
