Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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