Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
