community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
