So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
