I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
