mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Pappa wants mamma naked
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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