Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
