If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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