dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
