i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
