Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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