11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
