But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
