I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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