I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
