Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
