The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
