careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Of course I have a pirate flag
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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