there's paper in my vomit.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
