thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
