im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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