a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We had sex on a dog bed..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
