Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
