Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
