I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
