Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
