Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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