You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
