she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
