We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
