Welp...herpes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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