I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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