i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
