i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
