She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
