Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
