pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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