Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
