the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
