I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
