your room smells of hookers.
And success
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
