I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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