I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
