Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
third nipple confirmed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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