either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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