When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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