the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
