What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
